Consent Stories

Welcome to Consent Stories ™

This is the official site for information and updates about the research program, Sexual Coercion and Violence in College: Reforming Policies and Practices for Consent Education and Personal Agency.

Co-Investigators Dr. Jason Laker and Dr. Erica Boas invite you to learn more about our project, which is aimed at:

Enhancing understanding of sexual consent, coercion and assault among college students.
Identifying hopeful possibilities for prevention and intervention efforts.
Designing effective prevention education and training programs.
Conducting Social Action Research to evaluate effectiveness of pilot prevention and intervention efforts.

COMING IN SPRING 2024:
Advancing Sexual Consent and Agential Practices in Higher Education: Toward a New Community of Practice
(see Publications page for
more information)

"It just happened..."

How many times have you or someone you know abbreviated an account of a social, amorous or sexual interaction with something like the phrase, "it just happened"? This is a common social convention, whether rooted in a desire to be brief, respectful of private matters, or to omit potentially embarrassing or otherwise stressful details. Researchers have been interested in social norms and how students' perceptions of what is "normal" or "desirable" among their peers influences their own beliefs and behaviors, especially those involving physical or emotional risk. In the case of intimate affectionate and sexual interactions, repeatedly hearing vague descriptions like "it just happened" entrenches a gap in understanding how peers maneuver through sometimes complicated and potentially dangerous experiences behind closed doors. How are we to plan for, and learn clear communication if we have no idea how others operate within their own relationships and experiences? In order to build capacity for agency and consent, we need more than policies...we need to know how real people communicate about consent behind closed doors. Our diverse student participants generously shared their Consent Stories™ so others can learn new ways to navigate consent communication.

What are Consent Stories?
The complexities associated with our early teachings about sexuality and societal definitions of what may be "appropriate" or not, shameful or desirable, powerfully influence our self concept, agency and capacity to understand, communicate and act on our affectionate and sexual desires. Legal and policy stipulations around consent are needed, but their stipulations expecting a clear request and response do not resonate with the lived realities of sexual and affectionate intimacy. In short, people rarely engage in sex negotiated by clear verbal requests and agreements.

We believe that consent is a term that "feels" defined, but it quickly falls apart when we begin to unpack what it actually involves in lived experience. Also, consent is not a static moment, but rather a dynamic decision state that ebbs and flows depending on many variables over time. Coercive forces such as loaded or sexually charged contexts, guilt, shame, anxiety, fear, sexism, homophobia, racism and other forms of bigotry and discrimination, threats of rejection, emotional manipulation and eagerness to please others, all have the possibility of compromising the ideal of a truly consensual experience.

In our study, we asked our student participants to describe their early learning about sexuality, their beliefs, attitudes and goals around relationships and intimacy, and their behaviors and experiences associated with these fundamental human phenomena. In their accounts of relational, affectionate and sexual experiences, the phrase, "it just happened" came up a lot. In everyday conversation, we tend to ignore such comments, or develop assumptions about what actually happened without verifying our perceptions. In our research interviews, we took the time to slow down and check in, using the analogy to televised sporting events where very quick interactions are replayed slowly with analysis in order to understand the intentions, roles of players, and how things unfolded, and to appreciate the nuanced ingredients of the interaction for future application. We created a respectful and safe space in which they could recount the specific steps involved in communicating and negotiating their consensual interactions, including the subtle, primarily non-verbal overtures and feedback associated with the encounter.

Our student participants generously shared incredibly detailed, often poignant, and sometimes provocative accounts of the events taking place in the most intimate physical and emotional locations of their lives. These "consent stories" provide us with richly detailed and nuanced narratives that can be used for social norms applications and building students' knowledge about how others navigate these complicated relational experiences. In turn, they can more readily reconcile blurry perceptions with what actually happens behind closed doors. These tools provide language and strategic ideas for navigating choices about and within intimate interactions.

Banner image by Visionello